Blog posts for all things Postpartum

Postpartum Health, Resources Penelope Oberhardt Postpartum Health, Resources Penelope Oberhardt

Your Free Postpartum Planning Guide

Last year, I shared that the Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself when you are pregnant is to create a Postpartum Plan. Well, here I go again emphasizing just that. This time I created a free template that you can use to create your vision for one of the most sacred and vulnerable times in your life. It organizes how you will obtain support, and how you will care for yourself, baby, and family. It also provides some free tips on how to care for yourself emotionally and physically.

Put it on your fridge. Send it to all the pregnant people you know. Shout it from the rooftops! Moms need to know. Everyone in the family needs to know. A birth plan is great. A Postpartum Plan is even better!

Get Your Free Postpartum Planning Guide Here
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Pregnancy after loss, Pregnancy Loss Penelope Oberhardt Pregnancy after loss, Pregnancy Loss Penelope Oberhardt

The Emotional Toll Of Conceiving After Pregnancy Loss

Conceiving after a miscarriage may evoke heightened anxiety due to the prior experience of a significant loss. Individuals may be extra cautious, fearing that any perceived misstep or minor discomfort could signal potential issues with the viability of the new pregnancy.

In my work with pregnant and postpartum moms, I often hear about the incredible heartache that accompanies pregnancy loss. My heart sinks alongside the women I work with when going through the grieving of a pregnancy loss. Consequentially, conceiving after a miscarriage may evoke heightened anxiety due to the prior experience of a significant loss. Individuals may be extra cautious, fearing that any perceived misstep or minor discomfort could signal potential issues with the viability of the new pregnancy.

Getting pregnant after a miscarriage can be emotionally and physically challenging. It can bring a complex mix of emotions for individuals and couples. The emotional toll can vary widely from person to person, and it's important to recognize that everyone's experience is unique.

Here are some common emotions that individuals may go through:

  1. Hope and Joy: Learning about a new pregnancy after a miscarriage may bring a sense of hope and joy. It can be seen as a new opportunity for starting or expanding a family.

  2. Anxiety and Fear: The fear of another miscarriage or complications can be overwhelming. The experience of loss can make individuals more cautious and anxious about the well-being of the new pregnancy.

  3. Grief and Sadness: Even though there is joy in a new pregnancy, the grief and sadness from the previous miscarriage may resurface. Individuals may mourn the loss of the previous pregnancy and the dreams associated with it.

  4. Guilt: Some individuals may experience feelings of guilt, wondering if they did something wrong during the previous pregnancy or if they are somehow responsible for the miscarriage.

  5. Cautious Optimism: People might approach the new pregnancy with a mix of optimism and caution. They may be hesitant to fully embrace the excitement, fearing that something might go wrong.

  6. Isolation: The experience of miscarriage can sometimes lead to a sense of isolation, as individuals may find it challenging to discuss their feelings with others or fear burdening their loved ones.

  7. Medical Anxiety: Individuals may feel heightened anxiety about the medical aspects of the new pregnancy, constantly worrying about every symptom and milestone.

  8. Coping Mechanisms: Some individuals may develop new coping mechanisms or seek support through counseling, support groups, or friends and family.

  9. Emotional Vulnerability: The emotional vulnerability can persist throughout the pregnancy, with individuals remaining cautious and guarded until they reach certain milestones, such as hearing the baby's heartbeat or reaching the second trimester.

It's natural to feel anxious during a subsequent pregnancy after a miscarriage. Regular communication with your healthcare provider and finding healthy ways to manage stress and anxiety can be helpful. Open communication with your partner is crucial during this time. Both of you may have different emotional reactions to the miscarriage and different feelings about trying again. Sharing your feelings and supporting each other can help strengthen your relationship.

Take the time you need to heal, seek medical guidance, and prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from friends, family, support groups, or a therapist who specializes in reproductive and pregnancy-related issues. There is no time-line for grief and you are not alone.

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Ever Evolving Identity in Motherhood

Postpartum is the period following childbirth during which a woman's body undergoes significant physical, hormonal, and emotional changes. These changes are a normal part of the postnatal recovery process, and they can have a profound impact on a woman's identity and well-being.

Identity Changes in Motherhood

I wanted to bring to light something that has been really showing up in my practice lately- Identity changes in motherhood. It is a big conversation and each evolution to motherhood and within motherhood is different. The common ground however is that it is life-changing. I often say having a baby is such a “profound” event in a woman’s life. The shift alters everything and turns oneself sideways or upside down.

Moms come to me wanting to explore why they don’t feel like themselves anymore. I often hear thoughts from moms around not being fun anymore, or being angry all the time or mourning the loss of who they once were. These are common thoughts and can be concerning to the individual.

Becoming a parent, particularly after having a baby, can bring about significant changes in their identity. Here are some common ways in which identity may undergo changes after having a baby:

  • Parental Identity: The most obvious change is the emergence of a new parental identity. Becoming a mother or father often becomes a central aspect of one's self-concept, with new responsibilities, challenges, and joys associated with parenthood.

  • Prioritizing Family: With the arrival of a baby, priorities often shift. The focus on one's own needs may take a backseat to the well-being and care of the child. This can lead to changes in how individuals view their own roles and responsibilities.

  • Changes in Relationships: Parenting can also influence relationships with a partner, friends, and family. The dynamics of these relationships may shift as new priorities and responsibilities emerge.

  • Career and Ambitions: The arrival of a baby may prompt reevaluation of career goals and aspirations. Some individuals may choose to adjust their career paths or make decisions based on what is best for the family.

  • Self-Image: Body image and self-esteem can be influenced by the physical changes that accompany pregnancy and childbirth. Adjusting to these changes and accepting a new self-image can be a part of the postpartum experience.

  • Time Management and Prioritization: Parents often find themselves managing time differently, with a heightened focus on prioritizing tasks that are essential for the well-being of the child. This shift in time management can influence personal and professional aspects of life.

  • Emotional Changes: The emotional landscape also undergoes significant changes. Parenthood can bring about a range of emotions, from overwhelming love and joy to feelings of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.

These changes are highly individual and can vary from person to person. Some individuals may embrace the new identity seamlessly, while others may face challenges in adjusting. Challenges from coping with the adjustment can include anxious or depressive symptoms, loneliness, isolation, anger or resentment. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional resources can be beneficial during this transformative period. Additionally, open communication with a partner can foster understanding and collaboration as both individuals navigate the changes that come with parenthood. You are never alone and with help you can get through this.

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Penelope Oberhardt Penelope Oberhardt

Self Compassion For Your Postpartum Body

Motherhood is a transformative journey filled with joy, love, and, yes, its fair share of challenges. In our latest blog post, we dive into the empowering world of self-compassion for new moms. Whether you're navigating sleepless nights, adjusting to a changing body, or managing the emotional whirlwind of postpartum life, this guide is your roadmap to cultivating kindness and understanding for yourself.

Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly during difficult times. It includes being mindful of the present moment without judgment, recognizing that everyone faces challenges, and acknowledging and validating one's emotions. Cultivating self-compassion can lead to increased resilience, reduced anxiety and depression, better emotional regulation, and motivation for positive change. It encourages a nurturing internal dialogue and fosters a sense of common humanity, promoting overall well-being and a healthier response to adversity.

Self-compassion is a crucial practice, especially during the postpartum period when your body has gone through significant changes. It's important to remember that your body has just accomplished an incredible feat by bringing new life into the world. Here are some ways to cultivate self-compassion for your postpartum body:

  1. Acknowledge the Changes: Understand that your body has gone through a remarkable process of creating and nurturing life. It's normal for your body to change, and these changes are a testament to the incredible journey of motherhood.

  2. Release Unrealistic Expectations: Let go of societal or personal expectations about how your body should look postpartum. Bodies change, and each person's experience is unique. Focus on the health and well-being of both you and your baby rather than conforming to external standards.

  3. Be Mindful and Present: Practice mindfulness by staying present and appreciating your body for what it has accomplished. Mindfulness can help you develop a positive relationship with your body as it is now, fostering self-acceptance.

  4. Practice Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk. Instead, offer yourself the same compassion you would give to a friend. Remember that it's okay to prioritize self-care and take the time you need to recover.

  5. Celebrate Your Body's Strength: Focus on the strength and resilience of your body. It has carried and birthed a new life. Celebrate the incredible capabilities of your body rather than dwelling on perceived flaws.

  6. Connect with Others: Share your feelings and experiences with friends, family, or support groups. Connecting with others who have gone through similar challenges can provide a sense of community and understanding.

  7. Set Realistic Goals: If you have fitness or wellness goals, set realistic and achievable ones. Be patient with yourself and understand that progress may take time. Approach any fitness or health routines with a focus on well-being rather than aesthetics.

  8. Cultivate Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that make you feel good about yourself. This could include activities like gentle exercise, taking relaxing baths, or practicing mindfulness. Self-care contributes to overall well-being and can positively impact your body image.

Remember, self-compassion is an ongoing process. It involves accepting yourself as you are, acknowledging the changes, and responding with kindness and understanding. By adopting a compassionate mindset, you can navigate the postpartum period with a greater sense of self-love and appreciation for the incredible journey your body has been through.

For more information on starting your self compassion journey, please visit https://centerformsc.org

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Postpartum Health Penelope Oberhardt Postpartum Health Penelope Oberhardt

Get To Know Your Pelvic Floor

The pelvic floor plays a crucial role in supporting the pelvic organs, including the bladder, uterus, and rectum. It can be especially affected during pregnancy and childbirth. Open and honest conversations about women's health, including pelvic floor issues, should be encouraged to ensure that individuals are well-informed and supported throughout their journey into motherhood.

Have you thought about your pelvic floor lately? Some aspects of women's health, like the pelvic floor, may not receive as much attention in conversations about pregnancy and motherhood. Open and honest conversations about women's health, including pelvic floor issues, should be encouraged to ensure that individuals are well-informed and supported throughout their journey into motherhood.

After giving birth, many women experience challenges related to their pelvic floor. The pelvic floor is a group of muscles, ligaments, and tissues that support the pelvic organs, including the bladder, uterus, and rectum. The pelvic floor plays a vital role in supporting the pelvic organs, maintaining continence, and ensuring proper functioning during various activities. As a therapist, my mind goes to what the implications could be when our physical health is not attended to, what emotions and feelings arise when we are uncomfortable or in pain and how that impacts our relationships with our babies and partners.

Pregnancy, childbirth, and the hormonal changes associated with these events can lead to various pelvic floor issues. Here are some common pelvic floor challenges women may face after having a baby:

  1. Pelvic Organ Prolapse: This occurs when one or more pelvic organs, such as the bladder, uterus, or rectum, descend into the vaginal canal due to weakened pelvic floor muscles and ligaments. It can lead to feelings of pressure, discomfort, or even pain in the pelvic region.

  2. Urinary Incontinence: Many women experience leakage of urine when laughing, sneezing, coughing, or engaging in physical activities due to weakened pelvic floor muscles. This is known as stress urinary incontinence. Some women may also experience urge incontinence, which is a sudden and strong need to urinate.

  3. Fecal Incontinence: Weakened pelvic floor muscles can also result in difficulty controlling bowel movements, leading to leakage of stool.

  4. Pelvic Pain: Some women may experience pelvic pain after giving birth, which could be due to trauma during childbirth, inflammation, or muscle tension in the pelvic region.

  5. Sexual Dysfunction: Pelvic floor challenges can impact sexual function, causing discomfort or pain during intercourse.

  6. Muscle Weakness: Pregnancy and childbirth can lead to weakened pelvic floor muscles. Weak muscles may contribute to the challenges mentioned above.

  7. Diastasis Recti: This is a separation of the abdominal muscles that can occur during pregnancy. While not directly related to the pelvic floor, it can impact core stability and contribute to pelvic floor challenges.

  8. Scar Tissue: If you had a vaginal tear or episiotomy during childbirth, scar tissue can form and potentially cause discomfort.

There are many preventive movements and strategies to prevent issues related to the pelvic floor after giving birth. Here are some steps you can take to address and manage pelvic floor issues after having a baby:

  1. Pelvic Floor Exercises: Kegel exercises are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. A pelvic floor physical therapist can provide guidance on proper technique and exercises tailored to your needs.

  2. Healthy Lifestyle: Maintaining a healthy weight and staying active can help support overall pelvic floor health.

  3. Proper Lifting Techniques: Learning how to lift objects safely, especially when caring for your baby, can reduce strain on the pelvic floor.

  4. Hydration and Diet: Maintaining proper hydration and consuming a balanced diet with sufficient fiber can help prevent constipation, which can exacerbate pelvic floor challenges.

  5. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: A specialized physical therapist can assess your pelvic floor function and create a personalized rehabilitation plan.

  6. Medical Interventions: In some cases, medical interventions like medication or surgery might be necessary. Consult a healthcare provider to explore these options.

Please discuss any pelvic floor challenges you're experiencing with a healthcare provider or Pelvic Floor Therapist. They can provide personalized guidance and recommendations based on your specific situation.

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Penelope Oberhardt Penelope Oberhardt

For 2024, Allow Yourself to Embrace "Good Enough"

My hope for every mother or parent I work with is that they learn to adopt a close relationship with the concept of being “good enough.” There is so much pressure to be the perfect mother even though we know that perfection is unattainable. The pressure comes in the form of making sure you are doing everything right to care for your baby, spending excessive time and research in getting the right stroller or baby bottle, feeling pressure to bounce back to your pre-baby body, striving for a perfectly clean home, trying to juggle multiple roles without help, agonizing over every parenting decision in an attempt to make the “best choice” and then feeling embarrassed or inadequate if you can’t keep up with the perfection you were seeking. The list goes on.

The notion of perfection is rooted in subjective and unrealistic standards that we set for ourselves, comparing ourselves to other parents, and even societal pressures. Challenging and overcoming this belief requires a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and cognitive reframing.

Give yourself a break as we start the new year- ‘good enough’ is actually what your child needs. "Good enough" can be beneficial for several reasons:

  1. Reducing Pressure and Stress: Motherhood comes with immense pressure and expectations, both external and internal. Striving for perfection can lead to stress and anxiety. Accepting that being "good enough" is sufficient can help alleviate some of this pressure and allow mothers to focus on the essentials.

  2. Realistic Expectations: The reality of parenting often involves unpredictable challenges. Being "good enough" acknowledges that perfection is unattainable and allows moms to set realistic expectations for themselves, promoting a healthier and more sustainable approach to parenting.

  3. Self-Compassion: New moms may face physical, emotional, and mental challenges. Embracing the idea of being "good enough" encourages self-compassion. It recognizes that making mistakes is a natural part of parenting and that self-forgiveness is crucial for personal well-being.

  4. Building Resilient Children: Children benefit from having parents who model resilience and adaptability. If a mom is constantly striving for perfection, her children might internalize unrealistic expectations. On the other hand, a "good enough" approach teaches children that it's okay to make mistakes and that they don't have to be perfect either.

  5. Quality over Quantity: Focusing on being "good enough" allows moms to prioritize quality interactions with their children over the quantity of tasks or activities. This emphasis on meaningful connections can contribute to a positive parent-child relationship.

  6. Promoting Self-Care: Striving for perfection may lead to neglecting one's own needs. Embracing the idea of being "good enough" encourages new moms to prioritize self-care, recognizing that taking care of themselves is crucial for their well-being and, by extension, for their ability to care for their children.

It's important to note that being "good enough" doesn't mean neglecting responsibilities or not striving for improvement. Instead, it emphasizes a more balanced and compassionate approach to parenting, acknowledging that perfection is unattainable and that doing one's best is sufficient.

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Postpartum Depression, Resources Penelope Oberhardt Postpartum Depression, Resources Penelope Oberhardt

Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself When You Are Pregnant: Create A Postpartum Plan

Please Do this for your future self

Creating your Postpartum Plan 101:

Prenatal appointments focus on development of the fetus and health of the mother. Regular check-ups and monitoring of the baby's growth are vital to detect any potential complications early on, allowing for timely intervention and management. And rightly so. It is a vulnerable time and prenatal care creates better outcomes for mother and baby.

Also, so much emphasis is given in creating a birth plan. What kind of birth do you want? Do you want pain relief in the form of medication? Who do you want in the room? Do you want to be induced? The questions go on.

But what about after baby arrives? One thing you can do for your future self is to think about how you’d like your Fourth Trimester to go. How do you want it to look? Even if this is your first birth, you can plan for some things to bring you comfort. Think about how you want to be supported.

I’ve created a comprehensive guide to help you navigate the postpartum period:

Before Birth:

  1. Create a Support Network: Reach out to family, friends, or a postpartum doula who can offer emotional support, help with household chores, and provide guidance during this time.

  2. How will you communicate with your partner when things get hard? Talk with your partner soon to plan for how you’d like to tackle difficult conversations after baby.

  3. Prepare Meals: Cook and freeze nutritious meals in advance, or consider meal delivery services. Nutrient-rich foods will aid in your recovery and energy levels.

  4. Arrange Help: Plan for someone to assist you with household tasks, childcare, and errands for the first few weeks.

  5. Stock Up on Essentials: Ensure you have diapers, wipes, baby clothes, feeding supplies, and any other baby essentials ready before the baby arrives.

  6. Create a Comfortable Space: Set up a cozy and organized space where you can rest, nurse, and bond with your baby.

  7. Learn About Breastfeeding: Attend breastfeeding classes, if possible, and gather resources for breastfeeding support.

  8. Just in case, research some Postpartum Therapists to have at the ready in case you have symptoms that go beyond “baby blues.”

During the Postpartum Period:

  1. Self-Care: Prioritize your own well-being. Rest when you can, stay hydrated, and eat nourishing foods.

  2. Accept Help: Don't hesitate to accept assistance from friends and family. Let them know how they can best support you.

  3. Sleep: Sleep deprivation is common with a newborn. Try to nap when your baby sleeps, and consider sharing nighttime duties with a partner if possible.

  4. Feeding: Whether breastfeeding or formula-feeding, follow your baby's cues. Reach out to a lactation consultant or pediatrician for any feeding concerns.

  5. Routine Medical Visits: Schedule postpartum check-ups for both you and your baby. Monitor your physical and emotional well-being closely.

  6. Emotional Health: Keep an eye out for signs of postpartum depression or anxiety. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're struggling emotionally.

  7. Bonding: Spend quality time bonding with your baby through skin-to-skin contact, talking, and gentle touch.

  8. Limit Visitors: While visitors mean well, limit their number during the early weeks to avoid overwhelming yourself.

  9. Maintain Communication: Keep open lines of communication with your partner. Discuss responsibilities, emotions, and adjustments regularly.

Beyond the First Few Weeks:

  1. Gradual Resumption of Activities: As you feel comfortable, gradually resume light exercises and social activities.

  2. Parenting Classes: Consider taking parenting classes to gain knowledge and confidence in your new role.

  3. Personal Time: Make time for yourself, even if it's just a short walk or a relaxing bath. Self-care remains important.

  4. Connect with Other Parents: Join local parenting groups or online communities to connect with other parents who can relate to your experiences.

  5. Continued Support: Maintain your support network and don't be afraid to seek assistance as needed.

Remember that every postpartum experience is unique. Be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to adjust your plans as you go along. Flexibility is key during this transformative time.

Outside support is available too. Please reach out for extra support during this time including from a counselor, doula, therapist, or medical professional. You are not alone.

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Postpartum Depression, Paternal Postpartum Penelope Oberhardt Postpartum Depression, Paternal Postpartum Penelope Oberhardt

Postpartum Depression in Dads

Dads can get it too. Here are some supportive tips for Dads who are struggling with depressive or anxious feelings after the birth of baby.

Paternal Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression (PPD) is often associated with women after childbirth, but did you know that men can also experience postpartum depression? It makes sense to assume that Postpartum Depression only happens to the birthing person. However, with new research on the topic, we are learning so much about how partners are vulnerable to Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. One in ten men will experience a Paternal Postpartum Depression after the birth of baby. While the prevalence of PPD in men is lower compared to women (1 in 5 women will experience a Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder), it can still have significant effects on both the father's well-being and the family dynamics.

Postpartum depression in men or paternal postpartum depression typically occurs within the first few months after the birth of a child, although symptoms can manifest later as well.

Causes of Paternal Postpartum Depression:

  • Hormonal changes: Like women, men's hormone levels can also fluctuate during their partner's pregnancy and after childbirth, which may contribute to emotional changes.

  • Lack of sleep: Newborns often disrupt regular sleep patterns, leading to sleep deprivation, which can exacerbate feelings of stress and depression.

  • Psychological factors: The challenges of adjusting to new parental roles, financial concerns, changes in the relationship dynamics, and the responsibility of caring for a newborn can all contribute to stress and depression.

  • History of depression or mental health issues: Men with a history of depression or anxiety may be more susceptible to developing postpartum depression.

  • Lack of social support: Feeling isolated or unsupported during this significant life transition can increase the risk of developing depression.

Signs and Symptoms:

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression in men can be similar to those experienced by women and may include:

  • Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness.

  • Fatigue or loss of energy.

  • Changes in appetite or weight.

  • Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much.

  • Withdrawal from family and friends.

  • Irritability or anger.

  • Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.

  • Feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with responsibilities.

  • Thoughts of harming oneself or the baby (if experiencing such thoughts, immediate professional help should be sought).

Seeking Help:

It's essential for men experiencing postpartum depression to seek help and support. Unfortunately, societal expectations and stigmas surrounding mental health in men can make it challenging for them to discuss their feelings openly.

If you or someone you know is showing signs of postpartum depression, consider the following steps:

  • Talk to a healthcare provider or mental health professional who has experience in perinatal mental health. They can provide an accurate diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options.

  • Engage in open communication with your partner and other family members about what you're experiencing. Building a support system can make a significant difference.

  • Take time for self-care and prioritize your well-being. This can include getting enough rest, engaging in physical activity, and seeking activities that bring you joy.

  • If you're part of a new parents' group or have friends who are new parents, share your experiences and concerns. You might find that others have similar feelings, and this can reduce feelings of isolation.

  • Consider couples or family therapy to improve communication and understanding between you, your partner, and the baby.

Postpartum depression is treatable, and seeking help is a sign of strength and care for both yourself and your family. Early intervention and support can lead to a faster recovery and better overall well-being.

For more information on this topic and resources, please visit Postpartum Support International:

https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/help-for-dads/

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Intrusive Thoughts Penelope Oberhardt Intrusive Thoughts Penelope Oberhardt

Let's Talk About Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts can be alarming, especially in the postpartum period. Intrusive thoughts along with Postpartum OCD is very treatable. Learn more about them and seek support to learn how to cope.

Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts

You Are Not alone

It’s okay if your thoughts are alarming to you. It can feel overwhelming. Perhaps the thoughts lead to shame and you question yourself for having disturbing thoughts in the first place.

Know that these thoughts are not facts. Know that these thoughts are a result of extreme stress that you are experiencing amplified by lack of sleep and major hormone shifts. Know that it is common for scary thoughts to arise in the postpartum period.

If we tend to these thoughts with self compassion, we can lessen the intensity and power they have over us.

Postpartum intrusive thoughts or postpartum obsessions, are distressing and unwanted thoughts or mental images that occur in some individuals after giving birth. These thoughts are typically distressing and can cause significant anxiety, guilt, or fear. It's important to note that these thoughts are a common experience for many new parents, but they can be particularly distressing for those who are already predisposed to anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Here are some key characteristics of intrusive thoughts postpartum:

1. Content: Intrusive thoughts often revolve around fears or worries related to the baby's safety or well-being. Common themes include fears of accidental harm to the baby, fears of neglect, or worries about the baby's health. For example, a new mother may have a disturbing thought about dropping her baby while carrying them, even though she has no intention of doing so.

2. Unwanted and Distressing: These thoughts are unwanted and distressing to the individual experiencing them. Parents who have these thoughts typically find them distressing and may feel guilty or ashamed for having them.

3. Repetitive: Intrusive thoughts can be repetitive and persistent, making it challenging for parents to dismiss or ignore them.

4. Anxiety-Inducing: These thoughts often lead to significant anxiety, and some individuals may develop rituals or compulsive behaviors in an attempt to alleviate their anxiety or prevent the feared event from happening.

5. Isolated Experience: Many parents who experience intrusive thoughts postpartum may feel isolated and afraid to share their thoughts with others due to fear of judgment or being perceived as a bad parent.

It's important to emphasize that having intrusive thoughts postpartum does not mean that someone is a danger to their baby or that they do not love their child. These thoughts are a result of hormonal and emotional changes that occur during and after pregnancy and are not indicative of one's true intentions or character.

If you or someone you know is experiencing intrusive thoughts postpartum and finds them distressing or debilitating, it's crucial to seek help and support from a healthcare provider, therapist, or counselor. Postpartum anxiety and OCD are treatable conditions, and various therapeutic approaches, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication, can be effective in managing these symptoms. Additionally, joining a support group or speaking openly with trusted friends and family members can also provide emotional support during this challenging time.

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Postpartum Depression, Relationships After Baby Penelope Oberhardt Postpartum Depression, Relationships After Baby Penelope Oberhardt

Relationship Challenges Postpartum

All relationships change in the postpartum period, especially with your partner. Find tips to tend and nurture relationship during this profound time.

Shifting Relationships After Baby

there’s hope!

Let’s face it, relationships are hard. They need work and tune ups. ESPECIALLY after having a baby. Your life is turned upside down and twisted on its side. It is so profound, how can it not affect your relationship? Your partner may be feeling some way too. And your sleep probably isn’t the best at this time either which can lead to snappy convos.

Postpartum, the period following childbirth, can be both a joyous and challenging time for new parents. While it's a time of bonding with the newborn and adjusting to a new family dynamic, it can also bring about various relationship challenges. Here are some common challenges that couples may face postpartum:

  • Lack of Sleep: New parents often experience sleep deprivation due to the demands of caring for a newborn. Sleep deprivation can lead to increased stress and irritability, impacting communication and patience within the relationship.

  • Shift in Priorities: With the arrival of a baby, the focus naturally shifts from the couple's relationship to caring for the child. This shift can leave one or both partners feeling neglected or disconnected.

  • Emotional Rollercoaster: Hormonal changes and the stress of adjusting to parenthood can result in mood swings and emotional upheavals. One partner's emotions may be difficult for the other to understand or handle.

  • Division of Responsibilities: Deciding on how to divide childcare and household responsibilities can lead to disagreements and resentments if not communicated effectively.

  • Lack of Intimacy: Physical intimacy often takes a backseat during the postpartum period due to fatigue, body changes, and concerns about the baby's presence.

  • Communication Challenges: Exhaustion and stress may hinder effective communication, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

  • Different Parenting Styles: Partners may have different approaches to parenting, which can cause disagreements and tensions.

  • Social Isolation: The demands of caring for a newborn can limit a couple's social life and support network, leading to feelings of isolation.

  • Financial Stress: The financial burden of raising a child can be stressful, particularly if one or both partners experience a change in work status or income.

  • Resentment and Unmet Expectations: Unrealistic expectations of parenthood or unmet expectations of each other can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction within the relationship.

Tips for Addressing Postpartum Relationship Challenges:

  • Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns.

  • Be understanding and empathetic towards each other's experiences and emotions.

  • Make time for each other, even if it's just a few minutes a day to connect and check-in.

  • Seek support from friends, family, or professionals to alleviate some of the stress.

  • Divide responsibilities and tasks based on each partner's strengths and preferences.

  • Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this new chapter together.

  • Prioritize self-care and encourage each other to take breaks when needed.

  • Attend parenting classes or counseling together to learn effective communication and parenting strategies.

  • Remember that it's normal to have challenges; seeking help doesn't mean failure, but rather a commitment to your relationship and family's well-being.

If you find that the challenges are persisting and impacting your relationship significantly, seeking professional counseling or therapy can be beneficial in providing guidance and support during this time. Tend to it before the resentment seeps in.

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Trauma, Resources Penelope Oberhardt Trauma, Resources Penelope Oberhardt

Navigating the NICU

Tips for parents during their baby’s NICU stay.

NICU Stay? Here Are Some Helpful Tips

you will get through this

A NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) survival guide is designed to help parents and families navigate through the challenging and emotional journey of having a baby in the NICU. Here are some essential tips and strategies to help you cope and support your baby during this time:

  • Educate Yourself: Learn about the NICU environment, equipment, and medical terms. Understanding what the medical team is doing for your baby can reduce anxiety and help you feel more involved in your baby's care.

  • Communicate with the Medical Team: Establish open and honest communication with the doctors and nurses. Don't hesitate to ask questions, seek clarification, and voice your concerns. They are there to support you and your baby.

  • Take Care of Yourself: NICU stays can be emotionally and physically draining. Make self-care a priority by getting enough rest, eating well, and seeking support from friends, family, or support groups.

  • Celebrate Milestones: Celebrate every small progress your baby makes, no matter how minor it may seem. Each step forward is significant in the NICU journey.

  • Kangaroo Care: If allowed, practice skin-to-skin contact (kangaroo care) with your baby. It promotes bonding, regulates the baby's temperature, and offers numerous other benefits.

  • Be Involved in Care: Participate in your baby's care as much as possible. Ask the medical team if you can help with feeding, diaper changes, or other aspects of daily care.

  • Keep a Journal: Document your baby's journey in a journal. It can serve as a therapeutic outlet and help you keep track of your baby's progress.

  • Lean on Support: Seek emotional support from friends, family, or support groups. Surround yourself with people who understand and empathize with what you're going through.

  • Avoid Comparisons: Each baby in the NICU is unique, and their progress will differ. Avoid comparing your baby's journey to others and focus on your baby's individual path to recovery.

  • Limit Stressful Triggers: If possible, limit exposure to stressful situations and environments. Practice relaxation techniques to manage stress.

  • Be Prepared for Setbacks: Understand that setbacks are common in the NICU. Try to stay resilient and hopeful, even during challenging times.

  • Ask for Help: Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Friends and family may want to support you but may not know how. Be specific about what you need.

  • Access Resources: Many hospitals have resources for NICU families, such as social workers, counselors, and support groups. Take advantage of these resources to help you cope.

  • Document Information: Keep track of medical updates, treatment plans, and conversations with the medical team. This can help you stay informed and organized.

  • Take Breaks: It's okay to step away from the NICU for short breaks to recharge and regroup. Taking care of yourself allows you to better care for your baby.

Remember that the NICU journey is unique for every family. Be patient with yourself and your baby, and remember that you are not alone. Lean on your support network, and always advocate for your baby's well-being while working closely with the medical team.

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How To Choose a Therapist

How To Choose A Therapist

time to take inventory of your preferences

Welcome to your journey to find support. Glad you can make it. It is not easy to even make the first steps. You know, vulnerability. It’s hard.

Choosing a psychotherapist is an important decision that can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Here are some steps to help you find the right psychotherapist for your needs:

  • Identify your specific needs: Determine what issues or challenges you want to address in therapy. Different psychotherapists have expertise in various areas, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, etc. Understanding your needs will help you find a therapist with the appropriate specialization.

  • Research different types of therapy: There are various approaches to psychotherapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, humanistic therapy, and more. Research these different types to see which one aligns best with your preferences and goals.

  • Seek recommendations: Reach out to friends, family, or colleagues who have experience with psychotherapy and ask for recommendations. Personal referrals can be valuable as they come from people you trust.

  • Check credentials and licenses: Ensure the therapist is licensed and accredited by a reputable professional organization. Check their qualifications, education, and certifications to ensure they have the appropriate training to provide psychotherapy.

  • Read reviews and testimonials: Look for reviews or testimonials from previous clients to get a sense of the therapist's effectiveness and approach.

  • Consider logistics: Think about practical considerations such as the therapist's location, office hours, fees, and payment options. Make sure the logistics are manageable and convenient for you.

  • Interview potential therapists: Many therapists offer a free initial consultation or a brief phone call. Take advantage of this to get to know the therapist and ask questions about their approach, experience, and how they handle specific issues. This interaction will give you a sense of their personality and whether you feel comfortable talking to them.

  • Trust your gut: Pay attention to how you feel during the interview or initial consultation. Trust your instincts; if you feel comfortable and understood, that's a positive sign.

  • Consider cultural fit: If cultural background or beliefs are essential to you, look for a therapist who understands and respects your cultural values and perspectives.

  • Check for ethical standards: Make sure the therapist adheres to ethical standards and guidelines set by professional organizations.

  • Evaluate the therapeutic relationship: Remember that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is crucial to successful therapy. The therapist should be empathetic, non-judgmental, and genuinely interested in your well-being.

  • Be open to change: If you find that you're not making progress or don't connect well with a therapist after a few sessions, it's okay to switch therapists. Sometimes, finding the right fit may take some trial and error.

Overall, choosing a psychotherapist is a personal process. Take your time to do your research, ask questions, and find someone who can support you on your journey to better mental health. You deserve it.

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Returning to Work Penelope Oberhardt Returning to Work Penelope Oberhardt

Transition Back to Work After Baby

A guide to support you on your transition back to work after baby.

Returning Back to Work After Baby

another transition in the vastness of motherhood

Going back to work after giving birth to a baby is a profound transition. Here in the US, maternity leave is short and you are typically still healing and bleeding when returning to work. Not a lot of people talk about that, but it is something to factor in to your day as you may need extra pads! Along with the concrete things you will need, especially all the breast pumps supplies, having emotional support from a therapist, partner and/or friend during this time will certainly be beneficial.

Transitioning back to work postpartum can be a challenging and emotional time for new parents. Here are some tips to help make the process smoother:

  • Plan ahead: Before returning to work, create a comprehensive plan. Discuss the logistics of your return with your employer, such as your work schedule, potential flexible hours, or remote work options.

  • Gradual return: If possible, consider a gradual return to work. Start with part-time hours or a reduced workload to ease back into your professional responsibilities.

  • Find reliable childcare: Ensure you have reliable and trusted childcare arrangements in place. It could be with a daycare center, a qualified nanny, or a family member. Knowing your child is in good hands will give you peace of mind during work hours.

  • Pumping or breastfeeding support: If you're breastfeeding, talk to your employer about providing a private and comfortable space for pumping, as well as adequate break times. If you need to pump at work, having a supportive environment is crucial.

  • Accept help and support: Don't hesitate to seek help from your partner, family members, or friends. Delegate household chores and responsibilities to ease the workload during this transition period.

  • Set realistic expectations: Understand that the first few weeks or months back at work may be challenging as you adjust to your new routine. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adapt.

  • Communicate with your employer: Discuss any concerns or adjustments you might need as you transition back to work. Open communication can lead to more understanding and support from your employer.

  • Prioritize self-care: It's easy to put all your focus on your baby and work, but remember to take care of yourself too. Get enough rest, eat well, and engage in activities that help you relax and recharge.

  • Stay organized: Utilize calendars, planners, or phone apps to stay on top of appointments, work tasks, and personal commitments. Being organized can reduce stress and help you manage your time effectively.

  • Be kind to yourself: Understand that balancing work and motherhood is a learning process, and it's okay to make mistakes or face challenges along the way. Give yourself grace and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

Remember, every parent's journey back to work is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you and your family. If you find the transition particularly overwhelming or emotional, consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist who specializes in postpartum issues. There is no shame in getting help. We all need it at some points in our lives.

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Trauma During Childbirth

Trauma in childbirth

If your pregnancy or birth did not go as planned, or if you had a medical complication, emergency c-section, or suffered injustice during the birth process, you may have experienced a traumatic event. Symptoms of a Postpartum Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include reliving the traumatic event, having flashbacks, nightmares or constant images of the birth. It could include a constant sense of doom or that something bad will happen. It can also include hyper vigilance.

A traumatic birth refers to a childbirth experience that is characterized by intense and distressing events for either the mother, baby, or both. It can have physical, emotional, and psychological consequences that may last long after the birthing process. Traumatic births can happen in various ways, and some common factors contributing to traumatic birth experiences include:

  • Complications during labor: Prolonged labor, fetal distress, or other medical emergencies can lead to a traumatic birth experience.

  • Emergency medical interventions: Unforeseen medical interventions such as forceps or vacuum extraction, episiotomy, or emergency cesarean section can be overwhelming and distressing for the mother.

  • Loss of control: Feeling out of control during the birthing process can contribute to the trauma. This might occur when birth plans cannot be followed due to medical reasons or when medical decisions are made without the mother's full understanding or consent.

  • Lack of support: Insufficient emotional, physical, or informational support from healthcare providers, partners, or family members can make the experience more traumatic.

  • Baby's health concerns: If the baby faces health complications during or after birth, it can be a distressing experience for the parents.

  • Previous trauma: Women who have experienced past trauma, such as sexual assault, may be more susceptible to experiencing trauma during childbirth.

The impacts of a traumatic birth can vary widely, but some common consequences include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), postpartum depression, anxiety, difficulties with bonding and breastfeeding, and reluctance to pursue future pregnancies.

Addressing traumatic birth experiences may involve seeking counseling, therapy, or support groups to process the emotions and work through the trauma. Healthcare providers should also be aware of the potential for traumatic birth experiences and provide appropriate care and support to help minimize negative impacts. In some cases, a carefully planned subsequent birth (if desired) with a supportive birth team can help heal previous birth trauma. Ultimately, every individual's experience is unique, and personalized care and support are essential for those who have gone through a traumatic birth.

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Postpartum Depression Self Care Tips

Self Care Tips for Postpartum moms

Postpartum depression is a serious condition that can affect new mothers after childbirth. Signs and symptoms of postpartum depression vary. One in five mothers experience a perinatal mood disorder. Symptoms go beyond the severity of “baby blues.” Where baby blues usually last the first few weeks, postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety is longer in duration and carry more severe symptoms. Symptoms can include excessive worry, irritability, withdrawal, hopelessness, crying spells, changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping when baby sleeps, mixed emotions about the baby.

It's essential to seek professional help if you or someone you know is experiencing postpartum depression. In addition to seeking medical advice and therapy, self-care can play a vital role in managing and recovering from postpartum depression. Here are some self-care practices that may help:

  • Rest and Sleep: Sleep deprivation can worsen depression symptoms, so try to rest whenever possible. Enlist the help of your partner, family, or friends to take care of the baby while you get some much-needed rest.

  • Nutrition: Proper nutrition is crucial for both physical and mental well-being. Focus on a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Avoid excessive caffeine and alcohol, as they can exacerbate anxiety and depression.

  • Exercise: Regular physical activity, even if it's just a short walk, can help release endorphins and improve mood. Consult your healthcare provider before starting any exercise regimen, especially if you've recently given birth.

  • Social Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to talk about your feelings and experiences. Connecting with others who may have gone through similar challenges can be very beneficial.

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress and improve your emotional well-being.

  • Avoid Isolation: Postpartum depression may lead to feelings of isolation. Try to engage in social activities, even if it's just a short outing or a phone call with a friend.

  • Set Realistic Expectations: Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to be the "perfect" mother. It's okay to ask for help and take things one step at a time.

  • Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and emotions can be cathartic and help you process your feelings.

  • Limit Stress: Try to identify stress triggers and find ways to minimize their impact. This may involve saying no to additional responsibilities or seeking help with household tasks.

  • Art and Creativity: Engaging in creative activities can be therapeutic. Whether it's drawing, painting, writing, or crafting, expressing yourself artistically can help you process your emotions.

  • Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion and avoid self-criticism. Remember that postpartum depression is a medical condition and not a reflection of your worth as a person or a mother.

  • Seek Professional Help: While self-care is important, it's essential to remember that postpartum depression often requires professional treatment. Don't hesitate to reach out to healthcare providers, therapists, or counselors for support and guidance.

Remember that postpartum depression can occur anytime within the first year and it is treatable, and with the right support and care, many women can recover and thrive.Early assessment and treatment is critical. If you or someone you know is struggling with postpartum depression, don't hesitate to seek help from a healthcare professional.

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