Identity Changes in Motherhood

I wanted to bring to light something that has been really showing up in my practice lately- Identity changes in motherhood. It is a big conversation and each evolution to motherhood and within motherhood is different. The common ground however is that it is life-changing. I often say having a baby is such a “profound” event in a woman’s life. The shift alters everything and turns oneself sideways or upside down.

Moms come to me wanting to explore why they don’t feel like themselves anymore. I often hear thoughts from moms around not being fun anymore, or being angry all the time or mourning the loss of who they once were. These are common thoughts and can be concerning to the individual.

Becoming a parent, particularly after having a baby, can bring about significant changes in their identity. Here are some common ways in which identity may undergo changes after having a baby:

• Parental Identity: The most obvious change is the emergence of a new parental identity. Becoming a mother or father often becomes a central aspect of one's self-concept, with new responsibilities, challenges, and joys associated with parenthood.

• Prioritizing Family: With the arrival of a baby, priorities often shift. The focus on one's own needs may take a backseat to the well-being and care of the child. This can lead to changes in how individuals view their own roles and responsibilities.

• Changes in Relationships: Parenting can also influence relationships with a partner, friends, and family. The dynamics of these relationships may shift as new priorities and responsibilities emerge.

• Career and Ambitions: The arrival of a baby may prompt reevaluation of career goals and aspirations. Some individuals may choose to adjust their career paths or make decisions based on what is best for the family.

• Self-Image: Body image and self-esteem can be influenced by the physical changes that accompany pregnancy and childbirth. Adjusting to these changes and accepting a new self-image can be a part of the postpartum experience.

• Time Management and Prioritization: Parents often find themselves managing time differently, with a heightened focus on prioritizing tasks that are essential for the well-being of the child. This shift in time management can influence personal and professional aspects of life.

• Emotional Changes: The emotional landscape also undergoes significant changes. Parenthood can bring about a range of emotions, from overwhelming love and joy to feelings of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.

These changes are highly individual and can vary from person to person. Some individuals may embrace the new identity seamlessly, while others may face challenges in adjusting. Challenges from coping with the adjustment can include anxious or depressive symptoms, loneliness, isolation, anger or resentment. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional resources can be beneficial during this transformative period. Additionally, open communication with a partner can foster understanding and collaboration as both individuals navigate the changes that come with parenthood. You are never alone and with help you can get through this.